#Nosemite

If you love Disneyland; the throngs of people, the gigantic selection of souvenirs and the warm sun, but happen to get sick from roller coasters, think about opting for Yosemite instead. The sheer volume of people will make sure you don't go anywhere too quickly, and if the outdoors aren't really your thing, that's perfectly acceptable because you'll spend hours in your car sitting in traffic anyway! They have plenty of luxury lodging to choose from so you won't have to worry about sleeping outside in nature either.
     I do hope you're a planner though, because without booking nearly a year in advance, you aren't likely to find a place to sleep for the night. Gone are the days of being a free spirit, following the wind and the road. There's no room for spontaneity here; not with your campsite or your activities, for that matter.
    The visitor center boasts a line just like any good Disney ride so be ready with questions, or don't, because you'll have plenty of time to come up with them while you're waiting. The gift shop is even worse, so expect to eat up some time in these lines if you need anything from a bottle of water to a sweatshirt. If you miraculously find yourself on a trail and do get too hot being outdoors in the elements without the comfort of AC, there are perfectly cool chlorinated pools around, laid atop what was once primal land, that can be accessed for your pleasure. 
    Walking can be tough, so like any good tourist park, they offer a cow train of sorts so you don't have to walk around the park at all! How kind of them to make peoples' lives that much easier. I can practically envision John Muir perched in his seat on the cow train viewing mountains around him without having to actually come into contact with the way they feel, smell and taste or move his feet at all. I'm sure he'd give up his spot atop a swaying redwood for a coveted seat near the tour guide telling him all about what he could be experiencing firsthand. 
     Yosemite has been defiled. It is no longer a place to experience the outdoors, it is not somewhere to go if you want to be with nature; to experience and appreciate it's glory. The only thing you will appreciate is the sense of relief upon leaving. The crowds and tailpipes are noxious and the park rangers have been turned into full time traffic attendants attempting to wave the throngs of cars in the right direction. 
    If you think this sounds great, then please please continue to go. Go to Yosemite, and leave the nameless woods to those who actually cherish them.

So thanks, but #nosemite